Saturday, May 7, 2011

Things That Go Bump in the NIght

I started writing this a couple of years ago. I am still not sure if I am going to see where this takes me. I was a little shocked watching Fringe that a lot of these ideas were there. And though I wrote them prior to the shows airing I didn't want to be accused of plagiarism. There are many changes I will make with this if I decide to return to it.

1

Coming to Terms

“You are accused of the most unforgivable act. High magic use within the confines of the city walls is punishable by death.”

The frail man with thinning grey hair on top of his head, a long beard, crimson robes, and tears in his eyes pleaded his innocence.

“Vermilion King you are herby sentenced by the good people of Dartpond to die by hanging when the court is adjourned. Court adjourned!”

“NO!” Vermilion raised his hand revealing his wand, muttering something quietly to himself. His body glowed, slightly pulsed, and then it shot through the roof. People ran to see his final destination but the only thing left to see was a flash in the sky.

I pulled myself from this bazaar dream. I can tell it held me in place for hours my body covered in sweat and very stiff. I have always experienced life differently than other people. I see things that should exist only in myths and legends. For the most part I ignore them. I see wizards, vampires, banshees, fairies, trolls, Norse gods, you name it I have seen it. I see them doing fairly mundane tasks as well as fighting in wars. I often think I should write these stories down. It is safe to assume that I am insane. I hide it well, I might be insane but I am not crazy. Being drugged and locked in a padded cell has never had an appeal for me. I have chosen to go about my life in a fairly “normal” way. I have a quiet job in the big library in downtown Portland, Oregon. I have very few connections here I take care of my cat Poshe. Mostly I enjoy my free time people watching. When you see the confusing things in my mind you learn to appreciate everything around you that is real.

************

“Breaking News: June 17, 2009 at 6:26 am disaster strikes. A meteor shower hit the heart of Dallas Texas, destroying the city and the inhabitants. “

Staring at my television in complete disbelief like I was watching as the two towers fall but this was so much worse. This was 2 and a half million people that were living just an hour ago. This was also something that could not be avoided by better communication of better safety precautions. I guess the city could have been cleared if they noticed the meteor in time.

“Authorities say they never saw an object of this size coming towards us.” Most objects of this size break up while entering the atmosphere.

I finished my toast got dressed and made my way to work. I noticed the city was clearly shaken. The city seemed to be moving in slow motion. The population on the streets seems to be cut n half. I reached the Goose Hallow max stop and waited. The look on most faces was worry.

I watched a young mother pushing a little boy in a stroller, tears in her eyes pleading on her cell phone “Are you sure that he didn’t catch the red eye flight last night?” This tragedy didn’t just effect Dallas, it effects us all. Just then I noticed a peculiar dragonfly a few yards away. As I watched the green iridescent wings flutter it seemed to be coming closer. I don’t think I have ever seen a dragonfly in person. I never thought it would be so large. There was a high pitched sound emanating from this odd little creature. I continued to watch it fly side to side as it drifted closer to me. I gasped as I got a good look at it once it flew up to my face and paused, it I guess I should say he possessed and body on a man rather than an insect. He seemed equally confused by my presence. Clearly my delusions have taken over.

I got to work early as was my usual pattern. It seems that most people have taken the day off. From that I assume it will be a quiet day. I was wrong by 11 am all of the computers were taken and a line was forming. The news of impossible sightings is happening.

“Do you think it is an alien invasion?”

“No I am sure the government is involved, I heard they had the city mostly evacuated, they are probably going to blame North Korea or Iraq.”

“I think it is just an internet hoax?”

I wonder what they are so excited about. I can’t see how the government could stage a meteor strike or why. “Can I ask what is going on?” I needed to have the mystery solved before my head started to over think this.

A slight man staring inches from the computer screen looked up at me, “How are you doing today.”

“What?” I found myself behind him looking over his shoulder.

“Everyone here seems to be showing signs of stress you seem to be quite yourself this morning.”

“Well if I am honest I am always a little stressed.”

His Google search was on Free Cascadia nothing to do with current events.

“I can’t see getting so worried over things that are beyond my control.” The kid beneath me stated. Did that guy just read my thought?

“I am Aeron Swinigan, nice to meet you.” Very polite for some one who barely looked twenty.

“I am Alice.”

The day continued on the same strange pattern of people trying to get their time on the computer to do their own research. Didn’t these people have computers at home? So, observed throughout the day. No one here had actually seen anything, well except me but that hardly counts.

My coworker Lily and I had to throw everyone out at closing. I made my way to the max stop. I watched my surroundings I am always a little more cautious when it is dark out. I watched as well as listened. I wouldn’t say I was a paranoid person, but I like to be careful. Watching the people around me, guessing their stories can also be fun. To the left of me there is a couple in the early 20’s holding hands and hopelessly staring into each others eyes, definitely in love. Did they even hear about the days events? Do they care?

A scream in the distance causes total fear in my heart. With my blood racing I had little time to decide why I was running toward the scream. Odd firstly that I am running but then to be running in the direction of danger. I am curious to see if this is one of those strange events. I need to know I am not crazy.

I am not.

The woman lay in the street. Not breathing and no sign of life. I caught the gaze of her attacker. It wasn’t human. It stood at least seven feet tall. There was a feline quality to it. Like they were waiting to pounce on an unsuspecting rodent but something in its eyes acknowledge fear. It seemed genuinely shocked that I was watching. I couldn’t make my eyes move away from its gaze.

Then for one brief moment it looked to my left. Then I felt a slight warmth brush the back of my hand and the spell was broken. I turned to see my rescuer. It was him the slight man from the computer earlier today. I turned to assess our danger but I could only see the eyes retreating into the darkness.

2

The Park

The silence in the city made sleep nearly impossible. I can’t help this need to go to Laurelhurst Park. I don’t even know why I have only ever been there once before. In my dreams last night seated in a bench overlooking the manmade pond I could make out a figure in the distance.

13

The Vampire Meet

A couple of teens with skateboards cross Pioneer Square with no regard for their own safety. They are fearless. They cross the path of a disheveled looking girl with dreads in her hair and a sign asking for spare change. I wonder how she got there so early in her life. Did she dream of freedom from life’s ties, did she fall I with the wrong crowd and found drugs to be a release?

But most intriguing was the couple that stared at me. Both very beautiful, pale in contrast to the dark clothing that they wore. One was a tall man with warm brown hair, electric green eyes, and very high cheekbones. His companion was a tiny female she couldn’t be much over five feet tall, long golden hair, ice cold grey eyes, and a menacing grin. Their clothes were very unique. They were in the style of the early 1900’s with a modern twist. Something you would see for a band photo or video shoot. After I assessed them I made my way back to the man’s face, it was somewhat familiar. He flashed a quick grin my way. Normally I would turn away from such behavior, but they were unnerving. It almost seemed he grew fangs in that brief moment of time. So is this my imagination taking over or one of the new world situations. There is only one way to find out I am going to ask my hallucination.

As I walked across the square surprise crossed their faces, which made me think they were here and could see me. So hallucination is not completely off of the table.

“How are you two this evening, you don’t look like you are from around here do you need directions?”

“No, you seem to be who we are looking for.” He flashed that same creepy smile.

“What is it you need from me?”

“You see the future, can you see my future?”

“Well I am not really sure what I see, but I do know that I have no control over my visions. I don’t choose them they choose me.”

“I know you are unsure of your gift.” The little one squeaked.

“Well this is the first time one of my visions spoke with me” I sighed.

“It seems that those of us with gifts are able to communicate with each other. As well as pass between the dual worlds.” He paused to assess my reaction. “We are really only guessing but it seems there are two planets sharing the same space and time. Our world and yours are nearly identical in size and population. When the meteor stuck there was little we could do about it. Though we knew about it for months would could only evacuate and hope it could pass. When it stuck it broke the division between our worlds.”

“Um, what do you mean by gifts?”

“The only link between the two worlds seems to be the gifted. The gifted are seers that see the other world. Your gift, that you call you visions are visions of our future.”

“How do you even know what my visions are?”

The little one giggled “My gift is your gift.”

“You see the future too, my world or yours?”

“No I see what you see. Just like there are two worlds everyone has a counterpart. I am yours.” She flashed a pointed grin much like the man had earlier.

“Well I have several questions for you. I guess I will start with the easiest one first. What are your names?”

“Oh of course we did not introduce ourselves to you. I am Oliver Barrett and this is Mia Jonquil. And of course we already know you to be Alice Bell.”

It wasn’t hard to guess what they were, very striking, pale, the menacing grins with a sparkling flash of fangs, I am sure they are vampires, on to the next question, “Are you parched?”

They both chuckled, “We have already fed for the evening but thanks for the concern.”

“So how similar are twinned lives? How can you be sure I am your twin?”

Oliver was the first to respond. “That would be my gift, I see twins. It is easier when both of you are gifted. You two have a very strong mental connection.”

“Really I have no sense of it, I don’t think I know Mia’s mind.”

“But I see it, for me it looks like continuous lightening strike between you minds. You two also seem to glow in the same manner.” He paused at Mia’s face for a brief moment.

“As for the similarities we do seem to have some physical similarities but that is not always the case. The fact that we both have golden hair and grey eyes could just be coincidence. Our lives are very different. Well our diets to start.” She grinned.

“What is it you need from me besides make me question my sanity further?”

“Mia only sees what you see. It would help immensely if you could get a better grasp o your ability.”

At that moment I realized where I had seen Oliver before. “You are dying.” I blurted out.

Oliver’s eyes dropped from my stare. I had seen this a couple of months before the meteor strike. “How does a vampire die, I thought you were immortal.”

“We are here on Earth; Mia has seen your visions of our kind coming and staying on a more permanent basis.” Oliver let out a huge sigh “We cannot simply stay, it would throw the world off balance. There needs to be an exchange of persons. I need to find my counterpart and we need you to be willing to go to our world.”

“Wait you expect me to go to the other side?” This sounds like death.

“At least for a while.”

I closed my eyes and froze, surrounded by an unknown city, only vaguely aware of the many different types of faces some friendly, some menacing, most fearful of my presence. So at some point I come here, why? I guess I have very little ties to my world. If I was honest with myself, I knew I never really fit in. Always the freak not that people actually knew they were right. I kept to myself and watched. Always a spectator on the world I lived in never the participant.

“Excellent!” Mia squeaked.

“Excellent what, I don’t believe I have agreed to anything.”

“Look at it this way you are going anyway why not help us.”

“Do my visions always come to be? I have never seen the outcomes.” This is so strange yesterday I was sure of my insanity now I am starting to embrace it.

“I have never seen a different ending, the future has always held true.” She looked into his sadden face and spoke no louder than a whisper.

“If the outcome never deviates why should it matter if I go?”

“I have never seen a different outcome but that doesn’t mean it is impossible. No one has challenged you thoughts before. No one knew they should.” Her face was fierce.

“My next question then, should I not try to protect the people of my world from predators such as you?” I don’t even know if their answer mattered to me. I am just trying to reason with myself why I should or should not go.

“Alice there are human predators far worse than ourselves stalking the streets as we speak. We both feed but do not kill. I haven’t accidentally killed anyone in over 500 years.” He grinned. “They don’t even notice that something has happened to them.”

“How is it you are dying? You look perfectly healthy to me.” I am sure this question had been avoided earlier.

“We are unsure of the reason. We don’t age as the other creatures of our world. There is no specific lifespan for us. We just seem to expire. If Mia had not seen your vision I would be clueless until the day I started to shut down. I witnessed my brother Milo’s death. First you loose your mobility; your vision fails you next, hearing fades, and the power of speech. I looked into his eyes as the light faded. He was gone within a day. I am not ready to give up.” He looked at me with pleading eyes.

“Breathing, seeing, knowing….I hear, I smell, I speak, this is life. I am sure you question weather I am the living dead, so many of your kind do. It is a tragedy that I am a parasite as well but that doesn’t mean I should not exist. I like life… no I love life now that I have Mia. Let me live.” His eyes watered not tears of blood as I would have imagined but of translucent rose colored fluid.

I have never had anyone depend on a decision only I could make. I only have my very independent at that really wouldn’t notice my absence.

“I don’t have any idea how to survive in your world. Do I need currency, where do I sleep, what are the dangers for me? I only recognize some of your people. That is only from movies and books. I am guessing gifted people used there visions to write what they saw into myths and legends. Was Bram Stoker and Mary Shelley seers? Am I going to run into the Loch Ness monster and Sasquatch?”

“Well Nessie sticks to the water and yes, the Yeti are very real. If you choose to live in my world I have a home that will be yours as long as you need it, and money is no problem for me. Our world works very much the same as yours. There are different people and they tend to stick together. Like the ethnic neighborhoods you are use to. I guess the authors of our worlds did have some gift. We got Jack the Ripper and Adolf Hitler to put terror in our minds.” Still pleading with his eyes he remained very calm.

“What about you I do not have anything to offer you. I do not own anything and really only have enough in my bank account to survive for a couple of weeks.”

“We ask nothing of you.” Mia whispered.

“Except that I walk away from everything I know.”

“Please I know life doesn’t hold much interest for you now. I see your visions but I also feel your responses to them. Most of the time you are so excited about the mystery they hold for you. Just think about being able to unravel that mystery, seeing the outcomes. You will have a good life in our world. Seers are privileged. We can take you there and you can make your decision then.” Another pleading face how can I resist such beauty?

“No tricks?”

We walked through downtown Portland. No one seemed to see anything out of the ordinary about my companions. We stopped at the corner of SW Alder and Second.

“What are we doing how do we get there anyway?”

“We are waiting for the 15, and there is a door or portal close by.” His mood seemed brighter. Who knew vampires used public transport.

We rode the bus in silence; we got off at Belmont and 30th. Walking north we stopped at two identical Portland four squares. Oliver dipped his chin down and gestured me to walk in between the two homes. The homes were less than six feet apart. I am sure I could touch both of them when I stood between them. Even in the dim light I could see the space between them were overgrown. The uneven pavement seemed to stop at the door on the right.

“You’re taking me down a dark alley?” I simply stated. It seems unwise to turn my back on a vampire but I guess I should put some of my skepticism aside.

“I will go first.” Mia sighed. I watched her walk quietly down the narrow pathway expecting her to turn and go through the door on the right. She continued towards the back fence. Where could she possible go? Just as I thought this she evaporated. The air seemed almost warmer.

“Wow what was that?”

“It is the link between our worlds. Shall we?” Oliver held out his arm for me and we headed for the dark overgrowth.

***

I looked up to see two beautiful faces looking over me. I vaguely remember loosing the ability to breathe and then everything went black.

“Again…What was that?”

“It is the door. Well more specifically the crack between worlds. When the meteor hit it opened many of these cracks.” Mia held her hand out to me.

“How do the people in those homes not notice they are the gate keepers between worlds? I would certainly notice strange people coming and going.”

“Most people are happier not knowing. The fact that you are a seer means you are able to see and feel the changes around you. That is how you were able to see us for what we are. I watched you take notice of everyone around you. No one held your interest until you caught a glimpse of us. It took you less than a minute to decide we did not belong and that we were something other. Most people assume we are a couple of eccentric emo kids.” He looked at me with an unspoken question across his face.

“You have three more days here.” I honestly don’t know why I blurted this statement out. I do feel it is the truth.

“Well let’s show you your new home.” He smiled, still shaken and Mia grabbed my hand. I looked around to see the sprawling city. It seemed so familiar. It wasn’t much different from the city I left behind me. I didn’t even feel the need to make arrangements to tie up loose ends. I really had nothing other than bills. I guess people will assume I died. What an uplifting thought.

We made our way through the quiet neighborhood, and stopped at a huge home it looked like one of Portland’s many craftsmen style homes. The large wooden door was painted red and had a leaded glass window. The entry held a staircase and a labyrinth of archways, clearly this was the center of the house. I couldn’t help notice that it was very warm here.

“NO.”

I turned to see horror across Mia’s face and she was standing defensively in front of Oliver. I could see what looked like a heat mirage out of the corner of my eyes. It was warmer in here. Mia’s eyes widened. She appeared to be coming closer to me against her will. I thought we would collide but the heat seemed to reach through me and as I blinked she was pulled into me. The heat seemed to fade and my body became cold. I opened my eyes to see Oliver’s face inches from mine. Initially he appeared worried, and then a grin graced his beautiful face.

“What happened to Mia, she was about to run into me?”

“Love you are Mia.” He grinned. As soon as he spoke it hit me. We did collide but on a more permanent level we merged. No longer split minds sharing to forms. We are whole, but what does that make me? I don’t seem to here her as a voice; will be some kind of freaky split personality thing? I don’t feel it will. It seems like me with more knowledge and more emotions. I feel the strong desire to protect him.

“Am I a vampire?”

“No, but you are immortal. Would you like to be a vampire?”

“NO!”

“I really thought this was just a rumor but the wraths do seem to be making the worlds whole. This could be the hope I need. I have to find my counterpart. I am sure he is very close to where you lived. Are you ready?”

“This is really beyond comprehension for me right now. Was this part of the plan? Why have you done this to me? I thought you wanted me to stay here.”

“This was not part of any plan. I was going to look for my twin once you were safely settled here. That would allow Mia to stay with me as long as I needed to search. I did not do anything to you other than have you in the wrong place at the wrong time. There has been some rumors of some of the tears being to large and the wraths have been combining elements to keep the worlds secret from each other. I had no idea they would apply the same technique to people.”

“You don’t seem that upset, she is gone.”

“No, I can see her eyes, she will always be safe. Your smile is also hers. You will find you have some of her strength too. You are immortal and can live in either world. The changes the wraths make are permanent.

Zombie Palm

To be honest I don't even know when I wrote this but I think I might look further into this story...


Sometimes you just can’t take being the victim of human nature… I work in a grocery store and as jobs go it isn’t bad. But the customers view you as no better than an ugly dog. So my happiness comes with vacation.

This time I have decided to visit my cousin in Los Angeles. The nice thing is I can spend the day at the beach while she is at work. In the early morning you see the people setting up their spot to brown themselves for the day; hello skin cancer. The sound of the ocean rolling in is beautiful. In the distance I see a pier and head towards it.

When I found the pier I see that the underside is more like a cave. Mollusks cling to the posts and sand has been pushed up to the sides of the posts. A strange square stone lay perpendicular to the pier. I touched the stone was ice cold.

My cousin calls to see how my day is and during the conversation a woman asked me how to use the sea viewer. As I motion to her that I am on the phone she gets to close so I pushed her back. She shuttered and all of the color was pulled from her body into mine through my palm. It was as if I sucked the life out of her she stumbled towards me; I ran.

Witness descended upon me to find out what I had done to her. There were three and they were close. The largest man grabbed my arm. I reached to free my arm from him and the color or life was pulled into me. The next two reached the same fate. I felt stronger, healthier… alive.

Monday, May 2, 2011

Ruby


Preface:

“There’s that weird girl, the one that everyone notices for all of the wrong reasons. She is the girl who is perpetually quite and always says the wrong thing when speaking. She is the girl with the cold gray eyes that can look into you soul and makes you uneasy instantly. She will hold her gaze. She is the girl that would be invisible to the world if there wasn’t just that something that pulls you to her.”

At least this was my perception of what people thought of me. Just know me as Ruby. My tale is not one of adventure, or passion but one of a mind obsessed with what if scenarios. The reason that girl is so quite she is always thinking. Wondering if this was different, if I could just say this is I was a different person this would be easier.

I am sure that I am in fact two people in one body. The one that you see the quiet, unsure, almost shy, and the one inside that screams to be let out. It is the one inside that is actually in control of my life. It is the one I am most afraid of letting out. She is the one that will say whatever it is she thinks, feels and would never edit a single sentence. There are only two individuals in the planet that get close to releasing the Jekyll inside. The love of my life Shane and my cousin Amie, my cousin actually gets me closest to the point of release. She let hers out when we were about 12.

We often believe we our Sipes clan has a curse over our family. And when I say we I refer to what an Aunt and Uncle called the black cloud. My cousin and I allow this theory to hold true. I wouldn’t call it bad luck necessarily but many of us have talents that go unapplied. My father was truly a great songwriter but his lack of we will call it motivation keeps him from going any further than working on bars and coffee shops. Amie’s father was a very funny cartoonist, but when rejected he left it all behind him. I shouldn’t judge I fail in all of the same places. No motivation and I deal poorly with rejection.

So having that said I thought I would introduce you to my world of my strange little mind. I guess you can look at this as an autobiography because there is some truth to everything if you dig deep enough.

The First Day of My Adult Life

Like the title most people view their age as the determination of adulthood I choose my mind. I escaped the torture of four years of high school but traded it in for the end of my childhood. Not that with the parents I had there was much there. I wasn’t abused, I knew I was loved but I always felt like I was kind of invisible. My parents loved me but loved their drugs a little bit better. So I spent a lot of my free time with my Grandma and my Aunt Cheri. They actually had provided me with my first few jobs. I had been helping my Grandma clean her salon since I was 10. My Aunt paid me to clean her house since I was 11. Currently I help answer phones at my Grandma’s shop. It doesn’t really pay but it gets me to the big city, Fresno. If you know where and what Fresno is that will be funny to you. I live in a small mountain town called Coarsegold, a beautiful place to retire to horrible to grow up in.

***

I hang my feet over the ledge of the second story of the art building at Fresno City College. I can smell the eucalyptus trees that grow in front of the old part old the college. My heart beats rapidly; I wonder if they will notice am I smart enough for this, am I missing something? Will I one day wished I had figured out how to stay in High School? After all it was supposed to be my formative years. No I am sure this is the right thing to do. I can’t believe I got this idea from my ex’s, ex. We separated only a couple of weeks ago and it still hurts, sort of. I wasn’t alone, my newly acquired best friend use to be his best friend. I am sure it is because he views me as a challenge.

My friend Nate is a womanizing, 5 foot 8, Canadian with a British accent. That accent is what draws the girl his way. He drives and old station wagon and very often wears what I call his old lady bonnet. Some strange doilies hat he found at the good will. He is sweet to me. He promotes local bands and I get to help him with his shows. Taking photographs and keeping him company at or friendly Kinko’s, while he makes posters. I have shown him how to silkscreen. It is always entertaining to hang out with him.

Yes, this is how my brain works. I can’t think through one coherent thought. But let’s clear my mind. I am 15 years old and this is my first day of college. It is the usual August Fresno heat hovering around 80 degrees at 9 in the morning. It is the kind of heat that takes your breath away when exit a building. For me the best is stepping into a car that has been sitting in the heat for hours. If there could be pleasure and pain together that is what this would be for me. I like the way the heat seems to suck the breath from me. Like at that very moment there would be my final peace.

As I sit hear waiting for my class to start, sun beating upon my pale face I hear footsteps in the distance. They are coming closer. A petite woman with features that remind me of a bird walks in hallway behind me. This graceful little woman seems plain enough dressed all in black, in the middle of summer. Every article of clothing has something special about them. Her paper thin sweater wraps her small frame she is wearing a black tank top underneath to uphold her modesty. Her skinny jeans even have delicate embellishments on the pockets as well as some zippers on the ankles. And what I will come to know as her signature accessory to be. She always wears two different earrings one is a stud and one dangles. She disappears into the classroom I know to be mine.

Do I fallow? There is still 20 minutes to the start of class. This is the point that I wonder why I panic. Just walk in sit down and wait. I could see the classroom and possibly speak to that delicate bird woman, or maybe not. Grabbing my bag, I shut my eyes one more time to breathe in the heat, and then slid off of the perch I rested upon.

The classroom was everything I imagined it would be. The center of the room had a stage, presumably for the models. There was a wall of windows that provided most of the rooms light. Strange props scattered along the back wall. A strange scent lingered strong but not entirely unpleasant. I crinkled my nose.

“It is probably the turpentine that is used in the painting room next door.” The smiling bird lady said to me. She had a warm way about her. Her smile just force one from me in return.

“Oh” Barely audible, most people had difficulties hearing me. I know it is really me incredible shyness that keeps me quiet. My ex use to tell me It is better to remain silent and be thought a fool, rather than open your mouth and remove all doubt. I guess I never thought much of myself.

“Can you help me set up the space?” I smiled and started to mimic her moving the drawing horses in a circle around the stage. I am sure she thinks I am an idiot wondering why I have no social skills. I should be able to start a conversation or at least take part.

I found my place nearest the exit as I have always done in my educational career so far. I take comfort in knowing my options. I could hear feet dragging in. People around me were setting their work spaces up. Some had everything to start drawing and others like me came with a notebook and a single pencil.

We were handed a syllabus and supply list and made our introductions. My least favorite part was standing up to introduce myself and express my goals. My goals are ever changing and I really like to keep them to myself. I like to share only current information. Really I hate to share information.

“My name is Ruby… and… I guess I love to draw that is why I am taking this class.” Did anyone notice I struggled answering the most basic question?

We all took turns and were given assignment to complete for the next class and we were released early. I still had two hours till the next class I took my book found a quiet place under the eucalyptus tree and read, or at least I tried to. Do people know I am just a kid? How will all this work out?

Look at that couple, they seem so happy. They gazed into each others faces and giggled, completely in love. This only strengthens the pain in my current broken heart. I haven’t had a full meal a day since he left. It seems ridiculous to care. I know I should be happy he left before he cheated but I know he left because of me. So quite, so young, never really contributing, he was five years my senior. In the grand scheme of things is not a huge age difference but he had a life he wanted that I would not be able to share for a few years. I would never be the replacement to his true love. He had ruined what he believed to be the perfect relationship. He made the mistake and cheated. She left and refused to ever speak to him, he was devastated. I guess you could call me his rebound. I was similar to her in size and some features and sometimes when my mouth took over he said I reminded him of her. I know this should have clued me in but he was the first guy to pay any attention to me. I was sure that I was the most hideous and undesirable person alive. Since he left that seemed truer and truer.

There are things I can thank him for. He has shaped my attitude about drugs. I know without his influence I would have joined my cousin in the land of experimentation. When you grow up in the mountains with nothing to do sex and drugs, are an option. He also gave me the idea to test out of high school, compliments of his ex. She was better at making her goals happen. Will I ever see a goal to fruition?

Great now they are kissing. It isn’t even like I want him back my heart was broken but it was only a dull ache. I want to be in love. I want some one to look at me the way the slobbering (bad kissing) one looks at her. That is way too graphic. Grabbing my bag I decided to see how the library is in the college.

Well it is large compared to the one room library at my tiny mountain High school. Making my way through the aisles I found myself standing in front of an antiquated piece of equipment. A student sitting in front of the machinery about the size of my Mother's 69' Beetle was rolling the dial and viewing newspapers... fascinating. The movement in the Library seem to be a dance everyone standing up grabbing their things, it made me feel I had missed some sort of fire alarm, could I have been so distracted? No it time for class.

Great more class and more embarrassment, I did see a couple of people from my earlier class though I am great with faces I am horrible with names. Again with another assignment due in a couple of days, well college will keep me busy. The instructor is a funny lady in her forties with crazy hair and flowing layers of clothes. And I couldn't imagine why when the temperature has passed 100 degrees she would need a scarf no matter how light the fabric is. She has a well aged smokers smile, yellowing teeth and puckering wrinkles to match her scratchy voice. A hint of Janis Joplin I suppose. After we made our introductions we were excused for the day.

I went to the street and waited for Nate to pick me up. From a distance he looks like he should be my Grandma picking me up in her station wagon wearing her little bonnet... great.

Introduction

This is the space for me to practice my storytelling skills. Some of the stories are true and very personal and others just want to be told. Please forgive my current abilities, I am sure they will improve over time.